CEPHAS’S CARP (THE TROUBLE WITH BROTHERS)

“Cephas, what in the world are you doing?”

“I’m setting at trap for Andrew. Here, hold that rock. No, the bigger one next to it. Yeah, that one. Hold it so it doesn’t shift while I put this green sapling branch in place.” Gingerly, Cephas slid the end of the sapling under the rock. There was a complicated set of branches and stones all interconnected so that a touch in just the right direction would release a set of branches that were holding a smelly carp that Cephas had found in the shallows of the Jordan River.

“You do know that some day Andrew is going to be fed up with your pranks, and he’s going to get back at you.” John’s words were a cross between a question and a prediction. Andrew had already told John, and his brother James, that he was about done with Cephas’s practical jokes. 

The last time Andrew fell victim to one of his brother’s schemes was on the road from Jerusalem to Bethany. Evidently, as he crossed the Kidron Brook, Cephas had spotted a couple frogs. About the time they got to the top of the Mount of Olives, Andrew startled everybody by yelling out in shocked surprise, as Cephas’s donation of two frogs started jumping around inside his tunic. Only two people didn’t laugh. Andrew and the Lord. But the Lord did have a half smile on his face as he shook his head at Cephas. And good old Cephas, he just stood there with that ‘what?’ expression on his face, pretending to be innocent. 

By the time we got to Lazarus’s place, everybody had calmed down, and some quiet talking had resumed. We could see that Cephas was getting worried. Usually, Andrew exploded in a frustrated tirade against his brother’s childish behavior. 

This time, Andrew was pretending like nothing had happened. He was chatting with everyone on the property, even the Pharisees. But, Cephas? Him, he ignored.

Cephas had been warned. Philip had said it at least four times, “You are going to pay for all that joking someday.” The raised eyebrows, and wrinkles on his face bore silent witness to the fact that Cephas was thinking that his mild mannered little brother might just try something in retaliation.

But this bent branch with the dead fish on it that was supposed to fling it across the campsite to Andrew, seemed a bit much to John. He thought, ‘Andrew’s a big boy, I’m going to stay out of this and watch from a safe distance.

All evening, Cephas watched Andrew in nervous frustration, as the man gathered fire wood, prepped the food and cooked for the entire group. All evening, he was moving around instead of sitting in his usual place to dine with the rest of the disciples. 

Finally! Cephas almost said it out loud. Finally, his brother took his food and sat in his place across the cook fire. Finally, he could enjoy watching that stinky fish slap into his brother. The poor guy would smell for a couple days.

Chuckling, he reached back and nudged the trigger stick to set the bent branches in motion. A soft woosh, and a wet splat, and the dead fish broke open against the back of Cephas’s head. It seems that somehow his launching device had malfunctioned and after squeezing his eyes shut for a few seconds, shuddering at the thought of the disgusting stuff that was running down his back, he opened his eyes. 

Everyone around the campfire was looking at him, wide-eyed. Everyone except Andrew. He was quietly munching on his meal, an angelic expression on his face.